Brenda’s Horoscope Recap for This Week’s Top Ten (+1) Drivers
Friday November3, 2006

Overall weekly rating: * * * ½ stars


1) MATT KENSETH * * * * *
Pisces
Oh, dear, Oh, my… Matt, you are a champion, but not this week. I’m sorry, young man, but “Pisces” could just as well be pronounced “pieces” because that’s what’s going to happen to your lead this week. After the race, you’ll be rubbing paint with nine other drivers looking up at… whom?

Not to pat myself on the back, but I’m brilliant! And I so sorry I was so right. What I don’t understand is HOW you kept that car from falling apart!

2) JIMMY JOHNSON - no * s
Virgo
Here it comes! It’s the big week that Jimmy Johnson finally… blows his top. Look out, all you Virgo lovers of control and California by the sea because when it goes south for Jimmy in Texas, the fall is big. Can you say “grumpy?”

Okay, I’m not brilliant! In fact, if Jimmy had suffered the disaster I predicted we would have two things: A very strong prediction success for yours truly… and much more fun stuff to write about and for fans to cheer about.

3) DENNY HAMLIN * * *
November 18, 1980
Scorpio
Denny, which name I dearly love because you share it with my son, enjoy the lime light! It won’t be a great finish but numbers 1 and 2 put the “piss” in “piss-poor” and you rise, like all lucky Scorpios, into the light. Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some were born yesterday and, my dear, that would be you.

Oh, Denny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling… You did move up a bit and got some traction on Kenseth. Can you say “poised?”

4) DALE, JR. * * *
Libra
Dale, Dale, Dale I wish I had better news but Neptune is not Libra’s friend today. You would have been better off watching this one from the infield: Beer and chips instead of bumpers and crashes. But those above pass you the salsa and you live to snack another day.

Maybe southerners are easier to read? You did better than I thought and all I can say is… Watch what you eat! Libra Rising!

5) JEFF BURTON * *
June 29, 1967
Cancer
Teamwork, Jeff. Look right below you and you will find all the friends you need, Cancer boy. Hey, it’s all about the communication and if, I say, if Robbie Gordon can keep his junk in the trunk you can hitch up to Kevin’s bumper and move to the front.

Jeff, I’m not sure what has undone you but it sounds like decisions, decisions, decisions and they’ve all been a bit off. I wish my prediction had been more right, sweetie. (Did anyone inspect that track to see if there was any “intentional debris” out there?) I told you to stay with Kevin!

6) KEVIN HARVICK * * * * *
Sagittarius
The road to true love is often punctuated by shredded tires and broken valves. Not poetry but the true love part is what counts. This race won’t be an easy “off-the-track and into the garage” where you can talk about “next year.” And it won’t be a race from the front with you lapping up airtime and cars. No. It will be a knock down, drag out, bar room brawl of a race. But hear me, the cool thing is that Sagittarius reigns and things will look up and you become Happy once again.

I guess you did the knocking, Happy. Next week I should extend my prognostications to AFTER the race. Maybe we need head and neck restraints on pit road. Have a nice trip?

7) JEFF GORDON * * *
Leo
Okay, Jeff, I know you don’t, as a Leo, believe in this “crap” but hear me out. You are going to have to help someone today and it’s going to cost you the brass ring. I see a moment when you “let somebody” lead a lap and it bites you in the rump, but good. Thankfully, others get bitten worse and you can still cross those fingers and hope for the best next week.

Maybe you just got bit trying to help yourself. Seems like no matter what you did… it “did” you. I think it’s time to say, “Maybe next year.”

8) MARK MARTIN *
Carpicorn
I have long waited to say these words: Mark, this is your race, Capricorn. Take it, because not only are the stars in your favor, I think your crew gets that damned car set up right this week. Oh, how fun it is to ride a sleigh like that! Hey, when the season’s over you will probably quality for AARP discounts on track fees and hot dogs.

Okay, I missed this like trying to catch a fly. I have to admit, I wrote my prediction BEFORE you wrecked in practice. Now, that car would have been a winner. Hey, don’t forget those senior discounts!

9) KASEY KANE * * * *
April 10th
Aries
Kasey, it won’t be nearly as much fun as those commercials where the women swoon all over you but the smashed up car will look familiar. You have lost a few races and in the process your Aries blood has lost its cool and now you’re all about ramming that car forward. Watch out for the Stewart spoiler!

A car has a body, chassis and an engine… Next time wreck what I tell you! But I have to give myself props for the Stewart Spoiler line!

10) KYLE BUSCH * * * * *
Taurus
Kyle, my Taurus friend, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that Texas is going to love you. (Not Texans because they reserve their love for another Bush.) But you are finally going to get a break and it won’t be your car that falls apart, just your hopes of getting anywhere near that championship.

Brenda speaks and the track follows! I have to give myself highest marks for this, Busch the younger. You ran a great race but no one, by no one was going to catch Mr. Stewart.

11) TONY STEWART * * * * *
Taurus
Hey, spoiler. How’s it feel stealing Thor’s thunder as well as the envy of all those drivers who wish they had everything you have except eleventh place? Well, you lock up the million bucks this week and then you’ll have enough to run off to Home Depot and re-carpet your garage for next year.

Once again, I shine! I suggest something in silver for that carpet, Tony. It will go good with next year’s Nextel Cup.