Horoscope Recap for This Week’s
Top Ten (+1) Drivers
Friday November3, 2006
Overall weekly rating:
* * * ½ stars
MATT KENSETH *
* * * *
Oh, dear, Oh, my… Matt, you are a champion, but
not this week. I’m sorry, young man, but “Pisces”
could just as well be pronounced “pieces”
because that’s what’s going to happen to
your lead this week. After the race, you’ll be
rubbing paint with nine other drivers looking up at…
Not to pat myself on the
back, but I’m brilliant! And I so sorry I was
so right. What I don’t understand is HOW you kept
that car from falling apart!
2) JIMMY JOHNSON - no
Here it comes! It’s the big week that Jimmy Johnson
finally… blows his top. Look out, all you Virgo
lovers of control and California by the sea because
when it goes south for Jimmy in Texas, the fall is big.
Can you say “grumpy?”
Okay, I’m not brilliant!
In fact, if Jimmy had suffered the disaster I predicted
we would have two things: A very strong prediction success
for yours truly… and much more fun stuff to write
about and for fans to cheer about.
3) DENNY HAMLIN *
November 18, 1980
Denny, which name I dearly love because you share it
with my son, enjoy the lime light! It won’t be
a great finish but numbers 1 and 2 put the “piss”
in “piss-poor” and you rise, like all lucky
Scorpios, into the light. Some are born great, some
achieve greatness and some were born yesterday and,
my dear, that would be you.
Oh, Denny boy, the pipes,
the pipes are calling… You did move up a bit and
got some traction on Kenseth. Can you say “poised?”
4) DALE, JR. *
Dale, Dale, Dale I wish I had better news but Neptune
is not Libra’s friend today. You would have been
better off watching this one from the infield: Beer
and chips instead of bumpers and crashes. But those
above pass you the salsa and you live to snack another
Maybe southerners are easier
to read? You did better than I thought and all I can
say is… Watch what you eat! Libra Rising!
5) JEFF BURTON *
June 29, 1967
Teamwork, Jeff. Look right below you and you will find
all the friends you need, Cancer boy. Hey, it’s
all about the communication and if, I say, if Robbie
Gordon can keep his junk in the trunk you can hitch
up to Kevin’s bumper and move to the front.
Jeff, I’m not sure
what has undone you but it sounds like decisions, decisions,
decisions and they’ve all been a bit off. I wish
my prediction had been more right, sweetie. (Did anyone
inspect that track to see if there was any “intentional
debris” out there?) I told you to stay with Kevin!
6) KEVIN HARVICK *
* * * *
The road to true love is often punctuated by shredded
tires and broken valves. Not poetry but the true love
part is what counts. This race won’t be an easy
“off-the-track and into the garage” where
you can talk about “next year.” And it won’t
be a race from the front with you lapping up airtime
and cars. No. It will be a knock down, drag out, bar
room brawl of a race. But hear me, the cool thing is
that Sagittarius reigns and things will look up and
you become Happy once again.
I guess you did the knocking,
Happy. Next week I should extend my prognostications
to AFTER the race. Maybe we need head and neck restraints
on pit road. Have a nice trip?
7) JEFF GORDON *
Okay, Jeff, I know you don’t, as a Leo, believe
in this “crap” but hear me out. You are
going to have to help someone today and it’s going
to cost you the brass ring. I see a moment when you
“let somebody” lead a lap and it bites you
in the rump, but good. Thankfully, others get bitten
worse and you can still cross those fingers and hope
for the best next week.
Maybe you just got bit trying
to help yourself. Seems like no matter what you did…
it “did” you. I think it’s time to
say, “Maybe next year.”
8) MARK MARTIN *
I have long waited to say these words: Mark, this is
your race, Capricorn. Take it, because not only are
the stars in your favor, I think your crew gets that
damned car set up right this week. Oh, how fun it is
to ride a sleigh like that! Hey, when the season’s
over you will probably quality for AARP discounts on
track fees and hot dogs.
Okay, I missed this like
trying to catch a fly. I have to admit, I wrote my prediction
BEFORE you wrecked in practice. Now, that car would
have been a winner. Hey, don’t forget those senior
9) KASEY KANE *
* * *
Kasey, it won’t be nearly as much fun as those
commercials where the women swoon all over you but the
smashed up car will look familiar. You have lost a few
races and in the process your Aries blood has lost its
cool and now you’re all about ramming that car
forward. Watch out for the Stewart spoiler!
A car has a body, chassis
and an engine… Next time wreck what I tell you!
But I have to give myself props for the Stewart Spoiler
10) KYLE BUSCH *
* * * *
Kyle, my Taurus friend, I have good news and bad news.
The good news is that Texas is going to love you. (Not
Texans because they reserve their love for another Bush.)
But you are finally going to get a break and it won’t
be your car that falls apart, just your hopes of getting
anywhere near that championship.
Brenda speaks and the track
follows! I have to give myself highest marks for this,
Busch the younger. You ran a great race but no one,
by no one was going to catch Mr. Stewart.
11) TONY STEWART *
* * * *
Hey, spoiler. How’s it feel stealing Thor’s
thunder as well as the envy of all those drivers who
wish they had everything you have except eleventh place?
Well, you lock up the million bucks this week and then
you’ll have enough to run off to Home Depot and
re-carpet your garage for next year.
Once again, I shine! I suggest
something in silver for that carpet, Tony. It will go
good with next year’s Nextel Cup.