Brenda’s Horoscope Predictions for The Final Week: Top Ten (+1) Drivers
Friday November17, 2006

Another 4 star week to end the year…

SEE HOW BRENDA DID ON CHASE CHAMPIONSHIP PREDICTION BELOW!  (click here)

1) JIMMY JOHNSON ****
Virgo
Ouch! Remember last week? Well, sometimes the past is better than the now. No vigor for Virgo this week. Can you still win it? Not this race. There’s going to be some kind of breakdown, either with the radio, the pit crew or your “inner-valve.” I think those nice boys from Led Zeppillen said it best, “Communication Breakdown.” But, and this is one of those big buts, you still win it all but the prize is a little marred by the journey.

Congratulations, you nice, nice boy. I would give myself five stars but since you kept that “inner valve” under control, I’ll just take four.

2) MATT KENSETH ***
Pisces
Matt, my survivor boy, the stars look more like a eulogy than a party. I think you just care too much and today, for whatever reason, you push early and fade late, fade into the sweet, sweet smell of exhaust and “could-have-beens.”

Better than expected” hardly ever leads to a victory dance. But you had a great year and I with just a bit of practice you could even act like you were having fun!

3) DENNY HAMLIN ****
Scorpio
Hmmm, the competition above you is going to stink it up today so, birthday boy, you will see that neon sign that screams “opportunity!” Trouble, like a bad rash, just won’t go away and all day you fight a car that wants to love the wall and you fight even harder against a driver that wants to love himself. Tune out the swelling pride and tune into the track and maybe, just maybe, you will get the biggest birthday present in stock car racing history. Are you old enough to go clubbing in NY?

Oh, my make me look so good! And I love the commercial with your momma in that helmet. Send me some cookies, will ya?

4) KEVIN HARVICK ****
Sagittarius
Sorry, Happy, but the stars are frownin’ today. Yes, you will get “best move of the day” but it won’t be enough, not near enough. You’ll be looking up at the leader board and slipping down on the Chase board. Too bad the Chase didn’t go until Thanksgiving because next week someone else would have been the turkey!

I wish you could have done just a bit better. I was rooting for you, Kevin, but, hey, if someone in your shoes finds himself complaining, they need to get some new shoes! Wonderful job, and Chip says “Hi!”

5) DALE, JR **
Libra
The south shall rise! I know, I say that just about every week, but with 1 through 4 above doing a dance with the devil you get to stay right here on earth. No, this will not be a grasp for the brass ring but this will be a fine way to rise up, my boy, rise up to the podium and toast a victory, a victory I say! Charge!

Had that stinkin’ race ended before that horrible pit stop… Oh, I know, never look back. But I have to say, when you were running down other drivers like they were butterflies in a Texas corn field, I thought I had kissed the blarney stone. Have a wonderful off season, and try to keep those Wranglers on.

6) JEFF GORDON *****
Leo
It’s all about soul searching as you oval the oval today, Jeff, because you just aren’t going to do too good. You ask yourself, as you fumble along; “What happened to the glory days when all the boys envied me and I drove around to a chorus of fans and fingers?” Well, heck, Jeff, I think you just raised the bar, seriously, and if you want ’07 to be as much fun, you’ll just have to raise it again.

Am I right or am I right? See you next year Jeff and congratulations on your new bride.

7) JEFF BURTON ***
Cancer
Well, well, well. You see that guy right ahead and sometimes behind you? That’s your old buddy, Dale. It’s fun to be back out front, ain’t it? It must have to do with pressure and I’m not talking about those tires. It’s just your week and Nextel’s week to breathe a sigh of relief that Cingular didn’t do this good for ten weeks! Enjoy the sweat, feel the tears.

Oh, Mr. Burton, calling Mr. Burton! You and Dale did indeed dance around one another all day, just not as far up front as I thought. There will be next year and I think you are going to have sooooo much fun.

8) MARK MARTIN *****
Carpicorn
Don’t take today too seriously, Mark. You’re going to feel “old” after this one, watching all the “boys” get pats on the back and questions about their future. You get those loaded media queries where the only question about tomorrow is loaded in the weight of yesterday. Sure, people drive different, but they used to dance different too! Get freaky and have some fun, but don’t hope for much.

Don’t pull a back muscle. Syonara

9) KASEY KAHNE *****
Aries
Kasey, my boy, it’s another good one for you. Maybe gold, maybe silver, maybe bronze but man-o-man are you going to have some fun this week! What a great way to kiss ’06 goodbye. Okay, you’re just trying to win it, but you almost put Jimmy out of the winner’s circle and then, somehow, you put him back in.

I say that all the drivers will be watching you next year. Go Kasey!

10 And 11) KYLE BUSCH and TONY STEWART *****
Taurus
Kyle, look right below you in the standings, below that line that divides “might win from can’t win” and you will see your fellow Taurus, Tony Stewart. You guys just prove that the planets rule the planet. Today, it’s going to be mediocre, introspective and though you’all try, trying isn’t nearly as much fun as just letting it all hang out. Toney, sometimes it’s hard to climb fences, and, Kyle, even harder to mend them.

Kyle, you really need to take a chill pill and Tony… well, just keep doing what you’re doing just do it earlier next year!

FINAL CHASE RESULTS (How did I do? $ for on the money, * for off…)
CHAMPION
JIMMY JOHNSON $
(YEAH, YOU WIN IT. I guess teeth do have skin.)

2) DENNY HAMLIN *(3)
(Close, and a cigar)

3) DALE, JR. *(5)
(Not bad, considering, and victory has great taste and is less filling)

4) MATT KENSETH *(2)
(Less fun than a barrel full of monkeys)

5) KEVIN HARVICK *(4)
(Keep comparing this to years past!)

6) JEFF GORDON
(No top five or high five in sight)

7) JEFF BURTON $
(Not so close, not so far. We hope Ward is back and grants lots of interviews!)

8) KASEY KAHNE $
(Don’t slow down, just keep driving all the way to NY.)

9) MARK MARTIN $
(No rocking chair, just rock and roll in ‘07)

10) KYLE BUSCH $
(Call it a learning experience, just don’t take the lesson.)